Today I had to call a co-worker/friend and apologize. Yesterday I had a fight with her. She was not fighting with me. She was being her usual self-unflappable, kind, and simply trying to get her own message through my not listening. As it turns out my fear was standing there between us as it always does. I believed she was having a cavalier attitude about COVID, about social distancing, about businesses being closed and a million other things. I finally said, I guess we’ll agree to disagreed. However, she persisted and I listened a little better. I was too worked up to ask good questions.
Good questions are my secret within me to finding why I’m stuck. Asking others questions, when I’m listening, helps me understand others. However fear walks in and stands in the way sometimes. I didn’t feel right for hours. I didn’t feel right when I arose. I sat with myself, I noticed my fear, my fear for her safety, for her family’s safety, for my safety. damnit, COVID is scary, still so very, very much we don’t know. When I sat with my fear, I noticed how much I care about her, her family and how scared I am of losing people. I need her to be there at work, she is my best friend at work and I have at times taken her for granted.
So I called her. I told her these things. I told her that I was sorry for getting angry. She wanted to explain and I didn’t let her. I assumed that she felt bad because she’d led with I’m sorry. I didn’t let her take care of my fear or defend herself or whatever it was she needed because I was busy worrying about whether I had burdened her with my fear. I keep working on trying to do better but my mind and my fear jump to the next thing. PAUSE. BREATHE. LISTEN. BE CURIOUS. CLARIFY. LISTEN MORE.
Here’s a link to a COVID article I read today. Take care of each other. Listen to each other and love well.
abundance, joy and magic 